Fallout

Ahem. So the Week 2 Weigh-In turned into a big debacle. I DID NOT BINGE, THOUGH. But boy, did I cry. I didn't cry all morning, but when I was on the phone with C, my partner, that afternoon, I just started to bawl and bawl and bawl. The first bawl was out of embarrassment. I felt like an ass because I'd been yammering on relentlessly about how wonderful it feels to finally be eating healthy and losing weight, and it turned out that I hadn't lost any at all! The second bawl was out of fear -- fear that my years of yo-yo dieting have finally caught up with me and my body was incapable of losing weight. The third bawl was because I felt like I had no control. I don't mean that in the sort of somebody-stop-me-I'm-out-of-control way. What I mean by control is that I have been closely monitoring my calorie intake and what I *thought* was my basal metabolic rate and calculated that I should have lost 3-4 pounds. So when I in fact gained weight according to the scale, I felt as though I didn't have a way to be in control of my weight loss. It's not enough for me, frankly, to eat healthy and exercise. I need to be able to predict my rate of loss and all that -- this entire episode showed me I was a control freak, that's for sure!!!

Anyway, I ended up going to see the doctor, not because I thought something was wrong, but just to get her advice. What I got was a grimace, and a "You're doing everything right, just increase your exercise." I said, "Can't you test my metabolic rate or something?" She said, "You have perfect blood pressure, perfect cholesterol, perfect blood sugar. There's no reason to test you." I said, "I have a BMI of more than 50. That's not a reason?" She said, "Not according to our medical guidelines." I think my eyes bugged out of my head. It was an eye-opening and frightening experience about our medical system.

So I ended up doing a lot of research and bought a scale that measures weight as well as body fat and water weight. Except my body fat percentage is too high right now to get a reading! Anyway, I hope/expect that will change over the next several weeks, but in the meantime, I've still got to rely on just my weight as a measure. However, I'm not as nervous about the new one because unlike my old scale, this one produces the same number if you stop onto it and off of it 5 times. My old one would fluctuate as many as 2 pounds up or down if you did the 5-time test. By the way, on Saturday night, after dinner, I weighed 344.5. If I had gotten that reading on Thursday, the freak out could have been avoided. But alas. As a result of my new scale purchase, and not knowing how the calibration is compared to my old scale, my new weigh-in day will be Saturday. So don't freak out if you don't hear from me on Thursday -- I'm not skipping!

Week 2 Weigh In -- 348/349.5

Well, that's no good. I don't know what happened -- I ate REALLY well this week, much better than last week. By the numbers, I should have lost between 3-4 pounds based on caloric intake and exercise. I figure I must be retaining water like a water buffalo, but I just don't know for sure, and that's part of the problem. I haven't gone and binged or cried though, and that's an improvement over my usual response to an unusual scale reading.

I'm trying to call my doctor to set up an appointment with her. The control freak in me doesn't really want to involve my doctor in this process, but if that's the only way I can get an accurate scale/body fat percentage reading, then that's what I've got to do, right?

I'm feeling right now like I should DO something, but I don't know what. I've been trawling the net for scales with body fat analyzers, hand held ones, thinking about calling my doctor, etc. etc. I know that weight fluctuates from week to week, day to day, but that's a LOT of water. I don't think I'm making excuses for myself -- I have the evidence at hand, what I ate this week, so I can look back and say that while I at too much processed food on Saturday, every other day was virtually perfect from a nutrition perspective -- fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean proteins, minimal condiments. Sigh.

I can tell by just rereading this post that while I'm not feeling depressed, I AM rather frantic. Maybe that will rev up my metabolism, heh.