Told you I was retaining a lot of water last week! I've changed weigh-in day to Friday because my weekends tend to be hectic and unpredictable and I can't really create a weigh-in routine (i.e. same time of day, etc.) on Saturdays. So Friday it is, and Friday it shall stay. Except for next week because I am on vacation at my mom's. I will weigh in on Wednesday before I leave and again on Monday night when I get back, just so I know. ;)
I am very excited about a loss this big, though in my heart I know it is probably at least 50% water. I just want to be able to do 2 pounds a week, consistently. Anything more than that is gravy. I guess my doctor was right -- I really do need to do the hour-long sessions of cardio to make my metabolism stay revved up.
However, no cardio for me today or yesterday because I am super duper sick with the head cold from hell. I worked out on Wednesday, and by that afternoon, I thought I was going to croak. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and at least be able to go out for a walk.
Happy weekend!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Week 3 Weigh In -- 344.6/343.4
Well, the scale is showing only a 1lb loss. I'm not too worried about it though because I spent most of yesterday in a car traveling and had a very salty dinner, so I think I'm retaining a least a pound or two of water.
I am having a hard time dealing with the snail's pace of my loss. It's hard for me to read other weight loss blogs where people consistently lose 2 lbs a week, or more. I wonder what I'm doing wrong -- yet my heart tells me there's not much I can do better. I am eating an average of 1500 calories per day, sometimes less, one day a week 1600 or so. I've biked 60 minutes and 50 minutes yesterday and today respectively, keeping my heart rate at 160 bpm. I feel good -- I'm not tired all the time, I have good energy, my mind is clear and alert. In short... I don't really understand why I'm not losing more weight. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing now. If anything, I am going to up my efforts, put in more time exercising. I want to do 6 hours of cardio per week, and 3 weight training sessions per week. I know that's a lot, but I don't know what else to do to up my metabolism.
I'm thinking about Hydroxycut or some other metabolic stimulant. Does anyone have any suggestions/experience with this? Thanks!
I am having a hard time dealing with the snail's pace of my loss. It's hard for me to read other weight loss blogs where people consistently lose 2 lbs a week, or more. I wonder what I'm doing wrong -- yet my heart tells me there's not much I can do better. I am eating an average of 1500 calories per day, sometimes less, one day a week 1600 or so. I've biked 60 minutes and 50 minutes yesterday and today respectively, keeping my heart rate at 160 bpm. I feel good -- I'm not tired all the time, I have good energy, my mind is clear and alert. In short... I don't really understand why I'm not losing more weight. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to stop what I'm doing now. If anything, I am going to up my efforts, put in more time exercising. I want to do 6 hours of cardio per week, and 3 weight training sessions per week. I know that's a lot, but I don't know what else to do to up my metabolism.
I'm thinking about Hydroxycut or some other metabolic stimulant. Does anyone have any suggestions/experience with this? Thanks!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Fallout
Ahem. So the Week 2 Weigh-In turned into a big debacle. I DID NOT BINGE, THOUGH. But boy, did I cry. I didn't cry all morning, but when I was on the phone with C, my partner, that afternoon, I just started to bawl and bawl and bawl. The first bawl was out of embarrassment. I felt like an ass because I'd been yammering on relentlessly about how wonderful it feels to finally be eating healthy and losing weight, and it turned out that I hadn't lost any at all! The second bawl was out of fear -- fear that my years of yo-yo dieting have finally caught up with me and my body was incapable of losing weight. The third bawl was because I felt like I had no control. I don't mean that in the sort of somebody-stop-me-I'm-out-of-control way. What I mean by control is that I have been closely monitoring my calorie intake and what I *thought* was my basal metabolic rate and calculated that I should have lost 3-4 pounds. So when I in fact gained weight according to the scale, I felt as though I didn't have a way to be in control of my weight loss. It's not enough for me, frankly, to eat healthy and exercise. I need to be able to predict my rate of loss and all that -- this entire episode showed me I was a control freak, that's for sure!!!
Anyway, I ended up going to see the doctor, not because I thought something was wrong, but just to get her advice. What I got was a grimace, and a "You're doing everything right, just increase your exercise." I said, "Can't you test my metabolic rate or something?" She said, "You have perfect blood pressure, perfect cholesterol, perfect blood sugar. There's no reason to test you." I said, "I have a BMI of more than 50. That's not a reason?" She said, "Not according to our medical guidelines." I think my eyes bugged out of my head. It was an eye-opening and frightening experience about our medical system.
So I ended up doing a lot of research and bought a scale that measures weight as well as body fat and water weight. Except my body fat percentage is too high right now to get a reading! Anyway, I hope/expect that will change over the next several weeks, but in the meantime, I've still got to rely on just my weight as a measure. However, I'm not as nervous about the new one because unlike my old scale, this one produces the same number if you stop onto it and off of it 5 times. My old one would fluctuate as many as 2 pounds up or down if you did the 5-time test. By the way, on Saturday night, after dinner, I weighed 344.5. If I had gotten that reading on Thursday, the freak out could have been avoided. But alas. As a result of my new scale purchase, and not knowing how the calibration is compared to my old scale, my new weigh-in day will be Saturday. So don't freak out if you don't hear from me on Thursday -- I'm not skipping!
Anyway, I ended up going to see the doctor, not because I thought something was wrong, but just to get her advice. What I got was a grimace, and a "You're doing everything right, just increase your exercise." I said, "Can't you test my metabolic rate or something?" She said, "You have perfect blood pressure, perfect cholesterol, perfect blood sugar. There's no reason to test you." I said, "I have a BMI of more than 50. That's not a reason?" She said, "Not according to our medical guidelines." I think my eyes bugged out of my head. It was an eye-opening and frightening experience about our medical system.
So I ended up doing a lot of research and bought a scale that measures weight as well as body fat and water weight. Except my body fat percentage is too high right now to get a reading! Anyway, I hope/expect that will change over the next several weeks, but in the meantime, I've still got to rely on just my weight as a measure. However, I'm not as nervous about the new one because unlike my old scale, this one produces the same number if you stop onto it and off of it 5 times. My old one would fluctuate as many as 2 pounds up or down if you did the 5-time test. By the way, on Saturday night, after dinner, I weighed 344.5. If I had gotten that reading on Thursday, the freak out could have been avoided. But alas. As a result of my new scale purchase, and not knowing how the calibration is compared to my old scale, my new weigh-in day will be Saturday. So don't freak out if you don't hear from me on Thursday -- I'm not skipping!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Week 2 Weigh In -- 348/349.5
Well, that's no good. I don't know what happened -- I ate REALLY well this week, much better than last week. By the numbers, I should have lost between 3-4 pounds based on caloric intake and exercise. I figure I must be retaining water like a water buffalo, but I just don't know for sure, and that's part of the problem. I haven't gone and binged or cried though, and that's an improvement over my usual response to an unusual scale reading.
I'm trying to call my doctor to set up an appointment with her. The control freak in me doesn't really want to involve my doctor in this process, but if that's the only way I can get an accurate scale/body fat percentage reading, then that's what I've got to do, right?
I'm feeling right now like I should DO something, but I don't know what. I've been trawling the net for scales with body fat analyzers, hand held ones, thinking about calling my doctor, etc. etc. I know that weight fluctuates from week to week, day to day, but that's a LOT of water. I don't think I'm making excuses for myself -- I have the evidence at hand, what I ate this week, so I can look back and say that while I at too much processed food on Saturday, every other day was virtually perfect from a nutrition perspective -- fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean proteins, minimal condiments. Sigh.
I can tell by just rereading this post that while I'm not feeling depressed, I AM rather frantic. Maybe that will rev up my metabolism, heh.
I'm trying to call my doctor to set up an appointment with her. The control freak in me doesn't really want to involve my doctor in this process, but if that's the only way I can get an accurate scale/body fat percentage reading, then that's what I've got to do, right?
I'm feeling right now like I should DO something, but I don't know what. I've been trawling the net for scales with body fat analyzers, hand held ones, thinking about calling my doctor, etc. etc. I know that weight fluctuates from week to week, day to day, but that's a LOT of water. I don't think I'm making excuses for myself -- I have the evidence at hand, what I ate this week, so I can look back and say that while I at too much processed food on Saturday, every other day was virtually perfect from a nutrition perspective -- fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean proteins, minimal condiments. Sigh.
I can tell by just rereading this post that while I'm not feeling depressed, I AM rather frantic. Maybe that will rev up my metabolism, heh.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Waiting for the Shoe to Drop
Is that the right cliche, or have I managed to birth an entirely new cliche of two cliche parents?
Tomorrow is weigh-in day for Week 2. I've done really well this week, even better than last week. I feel peaceful. I feel confident. I feel good about my choices, and I feel like my body is all of a sudden svelte and rightly contoured. (I told C, my fiancee, that it was his responsibility to make sure I didn't wear some horrific peice of spandex because I think my body is better than it is -- seeing as how I've only been losing weight for two weeks, I don't think I've gone from a size 32 to a size 8 in that time.) I haven't had cravings. I'm not doing great on exercise right now, but I have the tools to do so and it will just take a bit more discipline getting up in the morning when my alarm goes off instead of turning it off and sleeping in for another hour. Yet I find my shoulders are tense like I'm waiting for something to jump out of the dark and onto my back. Yes, it's the failure monkey.
I've dieted SO many times I've lost track. And with each diet, I've felt a sense of hope during the first two or three or even four or five weeks that slowly evanesces as I begin to cheat, to make excuses, or to just flat out quit. Even though my current Lifestyle Change is not a diet, fad or otherwise, I am beginning to experience tiny tendrils of fear that the great feelings I have right now will disappear like they always have in the past, and this time next year I will still be fat and unfit.
I'm trying to tell myself that this Lifestyle Change is different. Why/how is it different? 1) I've lost my sense of urgency. Instead of caculating and recalculating how many pounds and ounces I will need to lose per week to reach an unrealistic goal weight in an unrealistic amount of time, I'm focusing on each day, each week, and my monthly goal. (15 pounds in march -- I know this is a high number, but my weight is also really high right now and I think with my basal metabolic rate, I can stand to lose that much without cutting a dangerous amount of calories.) 2) I'm allowing myself a realistic eating plan. The diets I've followed in the past require that you cut out all sugar, perfectly balance your carbohydrates and fat, or adhere to strict low-cal, low-fat foods (no diary in one diet!). The penalty for introducing sugar into the bloodstream, not eating a balance of carbs and proteins, or eating diary was that the delicate metabolic balance created by these eating habits was thrown out of whack and weight loss would slow or stop. With the Lifestyle Change, I'm not cutting out anything for good. I mean, I haven't had ice cream in two weeks, or Coke (oh, my god, I LOVE the first sip of cold Coke out of a can), or chips. But I have had a chocolate chip cookie (yes, just one!), two slices of pizza, and Mexican food. I'm just trying to make better every day choices, and I think I'm succeeding. The allowance of a few treats here at there has resulted in a lack of cravings and no feelings of deprivation. I'm not worried that if I DO have a cold can of Coke (and eventually I will) that my metabolic balance will be shot and my diet ruined. Instead, I realize that if I have that can of Coke (or cookie) I need to tighten up my belt the next day and watch my sugar and calorie intake. I have a sense of freedom that I've never felt before. I'm not telling myself what I'll eat when I'm "done" with my diet. I'm not looking forward to a cheat day, or being jealous of how "normal sized" people eat. I realize now that this is exactly how normal sized people eat -- healthy 90 percent of the time, with the occasional treat (not the frequent binge).
This post is getting way too long, but it really feels good to write about my fears and also write about why my fears probably don't have a basis this time. I didn't realize how strongly I felt about it until my fingers started typing -- I'm so glad I did!
Tomorrow is weigh-in day for Week 2. I've done really well this week, even better than last week. I feel peaceful. I feel confident. I feel good about my choices, and I feel like my body is all of a sudden svelte and rightly contoured. (I told C, my fiancee, that it was his responsibility to make sure I didn't wear some horrific peice of spandex because I think my body is better than it is -- seeing as how I've only been losing weight for two weeks, I don't think I've gone from a size 32 to a size 8 in that time.) I haven't had cravings. I'm not doing great on exercise right now, but I have the tools to do so and it will just take a bit more discipline getting up in the morning when my alarm goes off instead of turning it off and sleeping in for another hour. Yet I find my shoulders are tense like I'm waiting for something to jump out of the dark and onto my back. Yes, it's the failure monkey.
I've dieted SO many times I've lost track. And with each diet, I've felt a sense of hope during the first two or three or even four or five weeks that slowly evanesces as I begin to cheat, to make excuses, or to just flat out quit. Even though my current Lifestyle Change is not a diet, fad or otherwise, I am beginning to experience tiny tendrils of fear that the great feelings I have right now will disappear like they always have in the past, and this time next year I will still be fat and unfit.
I'm trying to tell myself that this Lifestyle Change is different. Why/how is it different? 1) I've lost my sense of urgency. Instead of caculating and recalculating how many pounds and ounces I will need to lose per week to reach an unrealistic goal weight in an unrealistic amount of time, I'm focusing on each day, each week, and my monthly goal. (15 pounds in march -- I know this is a high number, but my weight is also really high right now and I think with my basal metabolic rate, I can stand to lose that much without cutting a dangerous amount of calories.) 2) I'm allowing myself a realistic eating plan. The diets I've followed in the past require that you cut out all sugar, perfectly balance your carbohydrates and fat, or adhere to strict low-cal, low-fat foods (no diary in one diet!). The penalty for introducing sugar into the bloodstream, not eating a balance of carbs and proteins, or eating diary was that the delicate metabolic balance created by these eating habits was thrown out of whack and weight loss would slow or stop. With the Lifestyle Change, I'm not cutting out anything for good. I mean, I haven't had ice cream in two weeks, or Coke (oh, my god, I LOVE the first sip of cold Coke out of a can), or chips. But I have had a chocolate chip cookie (yes, just one!), two slices of pizza, and Mexican food. I'm just trying to make better every day choices, and I think I'm succeeding. The allowance of a few treats here at there has resulted in a lack of cravings and no feelings of deprivation. I'm not worried that if I DO have a cold can of Coke (and eventually I will) that my metabolic balance will be shot and my diet ruined. Instead, I realize that if I have that can of Coke (or cookie) I need to tighten up my belt the next day and watch my sugar and calorie intake. I have a sense of freedom that I've never felt before. I'm not telling myself what I'll eat when I'm "done" with my diet. I'm not looking forward to a cheat day, or being jealous of how "normal sized" people eat. I realize now that this is exactly how normal sized people eat -- healthy 90 percent of the time, with the occasional treat (not the frequent binge).
This post is getting way too long, but it really feels good to write about my fears and also write about why my fears probably don't have a basis this time. I didn't realize how strongly I felt about it until my fingers started typing -- I'm so glad I did!
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Week 1 Weigh-In: 355?/348
My first post on this site was written almost three weeks ago -- or would that be exactly three weeks ago? Yes, I think it would be. At any rate, I've spent the time in between now and then ridding my house of junk food, slowing beginning an exercise routine, and basically building in some lifestyle changes. Lifestyle changes that seem to be working.
March 1 was my "official" start date, but I don't know of what because I am NOT on a diet. I'm trying to think of this as a new way of living, and my mindset is good right now. The primary tool that I'm using to help myself is www.fitday.com, a great website that allows you to track exercise, eating, weight, basically everything you need to know about your health. This site is really a god send to me right now -- I was having a lot of trouble getting my eating under control, but seeing the numbers, stark and undeniable, sort of shocked me straight, I guess you'd say. It's super convenient for me, moreso than keeping a traditional written food journal because a) there's a database of foods already available so you can just select the food and the amount and let the program do the calculations about fat, carbs, calories and protein and b) I'm on my computer all day anyway, so it's not a problem for me to quickly point and click in my foods when I've eaten something or done an activity.
Anyway, my loss this week has been anywhere from 2 to 10 pounds. I don't really know because my scale only goes up to 350 and I was definitely above that number for a while. I suspect the real loss is somewhere in between 2 and 10 pounds, probably more like 5. I tell you, it's quite a relief to finally be weighable again, though the scale can sometimes be the enemy! As I go through this journey, I'm going to try to remember that the number on the scale doesn't matter nearly as much as doing the things that will bring it down -- exercising, eating right, taking care of myself.
Cheers!
March 1 was my "official" start date, but I don't know of what because I am NOT on a diet. I'm trying to think of this as a new way of living, and my mindset is good right now. The primary tool that I'm using to help myself is www.fitday.com, a great website that allows you to track exercise, eating, weight, basically everything you need to know about your health. This site is really a god send to me right now -- I was having a lot of trouble getting my eating under control, but seeing the numbers, stark and undeniable, sort of shocked me straight, I guess you'd say. It's super convenient for me, moreso than keeping a traditional written food journal because a) there's a database of foods already available so you can just select the food and the amount and let the program do the calculations about fat, carbs, calories and protein and b) I'm on my computer all day anyway, so it's not a problem for me to quickly point and click in my foods when I've eaten something or done an activity.
Anyway, my loss this week has been anywhere from 2 to 10 pounds. I don't really know because my scale only goes up to 350 and I was definitely above that number for a while. I suspect the real loss is somewhere in between 2 and 10 pounds, probably more like 5. I tell you, it's quite a relief to finally be weighable again, though the scale can sometimes be the enemy! As I go through this journey, I'm going to try to remember that the number on the scale doesn't matter nearly as much as doing the things that will bring it down -- exercising, eating right, taking care of myself.
Cheers!
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